constant repeat…
we stand on the rock
though we walk through the valley of sorrow
trusting only in You
for only You hold all our tomorrows
…REJOICE and be GLAD
i love Rachel Mcadams, subsequently i love the movie Morning Glory. i also love this song from the movie.
“on a clear day i can see
see a very long way”
meditating on this today…
1 May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
2 May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
3 May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.
4 May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
5 May we shout for joy over your victory
and lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.
6 Now this I know:
The LORD gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
with the victorious power of his right hand.
7 Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
8 They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
9 LORD, give victory to the king!
Answer us when we call!
Went to Vegas a few weekends ago for a mini-vacay to see Mumford & Sons and hang out with some friends and the bro. The only other times I have been to Vegas were for dance competitions as a teenager so this was my first “real” Vegas experience. Some things i learned from the visit:
- The pool at the Cosmopolitan was the coolest venue I think I’ll ever experience.
- I hate Vegas. It’s second in my book of dislikes only to the gyn and the mall parking lot at Christmas.
- “Finger swipes” on Google Maps are legitimate measurements of distance.
- The blueberry French toast at the Paris hotel patio brunch may be the best
dessertbreakfast I have ever had. (Also, their fresh-squeezed oj may be number one as well.) - I will never be on an MTV reality show for many reasons. One being that I am not entertaining after 11pm.
- My nose has a state of the art radar for the smell of mj.
- Mumford & Sons would have been worth the full price of the ticket, however I am still in love with the fact that I only paid $35.
- I think fame can easily make someone a functional alcoholic.
- I really wanted to go hiking. It didn’t happen.
- Next time I’m going to the beach :)
- The company was fantastic!
so… Viva Death to Las Vegas.
i think bethany dillon’s most recent album is beautiful. this has been my go-to music for the season of lent, and especially as Easter is here and i reflect on the suffering of Christ…
Day turned to night
You breathed your last
Blood flowed from Your side
All of God in a young man
Who gave away His life
You loved me
When I was Your enemy
And You chose me
When I didn’t believe
You drank the cup that was all filled up
With my punishment and shame
From the garden to the empty tomb
The way I come to You forever changed
A crushing burden on our backs
The words hang in the air
“His blood be on us and our children”
Still, You forgave us there
Jesus, perfect through suffering
Jesus, our merciful High Priest
The weakness of God is mighty
And the foolishness of His love has saved me
feeling particularly sinful lately. apparently, bethany dillon gets what i’m talking about.
it’s been an interesting ride here at concordia. in an effort to embrace this lutheranism in an avenue i’m comfortable with, i’m celebrating my first season of lent. i’ve given up something before, but never with much background or understanding. this time i’ve invested more in understanding why i’m giving something up and reflecting on Christ’s suffering. it’s been kinda tough. not painful or physically difficult. just an inconvenience to my preferences sort of tough. it’s actually pathetic when i think about it, realizing this choice that is intended to remind me of Christ’s suffering is such a miniscule thing to deny myself. but God is using it to teach me more about my pride, as well as the things i choose to think on. He’s also reminding me of His suffering, which I’m learning, is the point.
as far as this whole lutheran thing goes… man. it’s been rough. i often feel like an outsider. brings me back to when i first started college. no real church background, always feeling a step behind. it’s like there’s a club i’m not in. do i have different theological convictions? definitely. are they deal breakers? not entirely. the biggest struggle is the culture. which gets me thinking about the culture of the whole southern baptist thing i was part of before. if i wasn’t down with that denomination i probably would have felt like an outsider too. i’m trying to learn. trying to be open. but i often feel this need to defend myself. my intentions. my convictions. my knowledge. it’s exhausting.
ludicrosity. not a word, but it helped with the alliteration. been reading through Joshua and thinking about all the things God asked of His people that seemed so ridiculous. over and over again He asked His people to do things that went completely against the cultural norm or any human logic. when God asks me to do something against the norm or logic i immediately dismiss it. i convince myself there’s no way God would ask that of me. enh, wrong. i am officially committing myself to doing what God asks, regardless of what it looks like to others or if it makes no sense to me.
at the beginning of the school year i had a conversation with God and told Him that my biggest fear as a RD would be for one of my students to die. i had read an article in grad school by a woman whose resident committed suicide on campus when she was an RA, and as soon as the year began it was on my mind. almost every weekend i asked God to protect my students, whether they made wise choices or not. i would get in bed at night with a nagging fear of waking up to a phone call that a student got in an accident, committed suicide, overdosed, etc. it’s not that i thought all my students were making terrible life choices, but i suddenly felt the weight of responsibility for my residents. i assumed this guardian role that began to terrify me. it wasn’t constant and it wasn’t debilitating or consuming; just this sort of turmoil under the surface.
in january one of our concordia students died in a car accident. recently another student died in a hiking accident. not only did my fear come true once, but twice. in my first year. neither accident happened on campus, and neither student was one of my residents specifically, but still this fear had been realized.
i was overwhelmed. “God, we talked about this. You knew i was afraid. i prayed for them. i asked you to protect them. how could this happen?”
though it’s been difficult God has brought good from the hurt. it has opened the door for new relationships, given me the opportunity for significant conversations, and has taught me more than i expected in my first year as a RD.
this bracelet was given to the campus in honor of one of the students who died. as the wording is beginning to fade and the school year is almost over, some students or staff may take it off, but i plan to continue to wear it. not only is it a reminder of the particular student, but for me it serves as a reminder that though my deepest fears may be realized, God is still sovereign. this bracelet reminds me that my God is GREAT and MIGHTY and that everything in the world is HIS. i have no reason to fear, because even if my fears come true HE isn’t going anywhere.
“do not fear, I am with you; do not be dismayed, I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10
