at the beginning of the school year i had a conversation with God and told Him that my biggest fear as a RD would be for one of my students to die. i had read an article in grad school by a woman whose resident committed suicide on campus when she was an RA, and as soon as the year began it was on my mind. almost every weekend i asked God to protect my students, whether they made wise choices or not. i would get in bed at night with a nagging fear of waking up to a phone call that a student got in an accident, committed suicide, overdosed, etc. it’s not that i thought all my students were making terrible life choices, but i suddenly felt the weight of responsibility for my residents. i assumed this guardian role that began to terrify me. it wasn’t constant and it wasn’t debilitating or consuming; just this sort of turmoil under the surface.

in january one of our concordia students died in a car accident. recently another student died in a hiking accident. not only did my fear come true once, but twice. in my first year. neither accident happened on campus, and neither student was one of my residents specifically, but still this fear had been realized.

i was overwhelmed. “God, we talked about this. You knew i was afraid. i prayed for them. i asked you to protect them. how could this happen?”

though it’s been difficult God has brought good from the hurt. it has opened the door for new relationships, given me the opportunity for significant conversations, and has taught me more than i expected in my first year as a RD.

this bracelet was given to the campus in honor of one of the students who died. as the wording is beginning to fade and the school year is almost over, some students or staff may take it off, but i plan to continue to wear it. not only is it a reminder of the particular student, but for me it serves as a reminder that though my deepest fears may be realized, God is still sovereign. this bracelet reminds me that my God is GREAT and MIGHTY and that everything in the world is HIS. i have no reason to fear, because even if my fears come true HE isn’t going anywhere.

“do not fear, I am with you; do not be dismayed, I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:10